perspective

Ever since I moved to California, I've been stopping, thinking and analyzing a bit more than usual. I've always been an over-thinker, but this is different. I'm taking more time to ponder my surroundings and what it means to truly live each day to the fullest. That's one of the biggest cliches in the book, but I'd be lying if I said I've always lived that way--I definitely have not.

I recently experienced something that has forever changed me from the inside out. I wish I could share what that experience was (so sorry to tease that), but just know this experience rocked my soul. I kept my sunglasses on to hide my tears, and I left feeling so helpless and finite. It is astounding to me that it takes an eye-opening, heartbreaking experience for us to stop and think about how lucky we are. As I was walking away from said experience, all I wanted to do was cry tears of sadness on one hand and tears of joy on the other.

I have an extreme desire and thirst to make the most of every moment, but sometimes I wonder how to measure my success. It seems like such a subjective scale, a scale that no matter how hard I try, I can't reach where I want to be. That is the mistake. The scale doesn't matter. Oftentimes (and especially now that I live in a new city) I feel as though if I want to stay in and cozy up on my couch with a cup of coffee and a book on a Friday night, I'm not "living life to the fullest" by society's standards. But whose standards matter in the grand scheme of things? If my soul feels content, if my mind is at peace about it, what does it matter?

My point here is that things can change on a dime, and your world can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye, and sometimes you don't have any control over it. I've concluded that my heart, soul and mind will be so much more free if I live by my own standards and ensure my relationship with myself is intentional. Relationships with your loved ones are obviously vital, but maintaining a sense of self is paramount.

TL;DR, I just need to be more thankful.